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3x03transcript

Page history last edited by PBworks 12 years, 7 months ago

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“Death in the Saddle”

Episode 3 x 03

Written By: Josh Berman

Directed By: Craig Ross, Jr.

Transcribed by: ziggystarduzt


Disclaimer: The characters, plotlines, quotes, etc. included here are owned by Hart Hanson, all rights reserved. This transcript is not authorized or endorsed by Hart Hanson or Fox.


 

TEASER

[EXT. VIRGINIA – WOODED AREA – DAY. A group of boy scouts are setting up camp in the middle of the woods. A LEADER: approaches AARON:, one of the boys, who is in the process of erecting a tent.]

LEADER: Aaron, where’s Joey?

AARON: Takin’ a leak.

LEADER: (sighing) Buddy system!

AARON: Come on! 

LEADER: Which way’d he go?

AARON: I dunno, Jeez, Joey’s gotta whiz like every ten minutes, and I- 

[From offscreen JOEY is heard screaming. Leader, Aaron, and another boy immediately run towards him. They find him a few feet from the main camp area, he is screaming as he has found a maggot-covered corpse in the bushes.]

[CUT TO: EXT. WASHINGTON DC – WOODED AREA – NIGHT. DR. CAMILLE SAROYAN is leaning down, examining the corpse while SPECIAL AGENT SEELEY BOOTH: stands watching. Several FBI Agents are investigating the scene, and floodlights have been set up to aid in the investigation.]

CAM: Trauma to the forehead...

BOOTH: Eyes full of maggots, and all you see is the boo-boo on the forehead.

CAM: Hands bound in front of him...Definitely not execution-style. 

BOOTH: What’s the uh, shiny stuff on the nose?

CAM: Some kind of emollient. It’s around his lips too. You get anything out of the boy who found him?

[Enter DR. TEMPERANCE BRENNAN:]

BOOTH: Only thing that came out of the kid was vomit.

BRENNAN: That would explain the pervasive smell... Why am I here?

CAM: Dead guy, foul play... it’s your main function.

BRENNAN: With bones. This is... very meaty.

CAM: No, there’s a bit of bone here...and...there. (Cam gestures towards the corpse)

BOOTH: And look at all the maggots. 

BRENNAN: Bones! I said, not bugs.

CAM: Lividity looks fixed. 

BOOTH: So. It’s not a body dump, he was killed here. 

BRENNAN: This is all flesh! Why’d you call me in on this?

BOOTH: Wasn’t me!

CAM: It was me.

BRENNAN: Why? Is it because you’re trying to think of excuses to put Booth and me together on cases? 

CAM: I wouldn’t do that, Dr. Brennan. 

BRENNAN: Well, cause we worked things out, and we’re fine. (To Booth) Right?

BOOTH:  Yeah. Hundred percent.

CAM: That’s...that’s not why I called you in. 

BRENNAN: Then why?

[Cam looks at the corpse for a moment, thinking]

BOOTH: Feet are missing. 

CAM: Because his feet are missing. Which...suggests bone trauma, which immediately suggested you. 

BOOTH: Oh, look at that! Blood. Do you think that’s from, uh, the wound on the forehead?

[Booth shines his flashlight along a blood trail, which they all begin to follow]

CAM: No, too much. 

BOOTH: Alright, looks like the blood trail stops here...

CAM: You want the honour?

BOOTH: The honour is all yours.

[Brennan and Cam kneel down and begin to dig through the leaves.]

BRENNAN: I got a foot! (Brennan holds a severed foot)

CAM: Me too. (Cam holds up a second severed foot)

BOOTH: Find a third one and I’ll be impressed. 

[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – AUTOPSY ROOM – DAY. Cam and Brennan are examining the corpse, which, including the feet, is spread out on a platform.]

CAM: I estimate time of death at around four days.

BRENNAN: Hodgins took a look at the maggots and agrees. Trauma to the frontal bone would have been fatal.

CAM: Well, tissue damage indicates some kind of blade.

BRENNAN: So does bone damage.

CAM: ...Dr. Brennan, you aren’t... being competitive between flesh and bone, are you?

BRENNAN: ...It’s possible.

CAM: (Amused nod) Absence of pronounced ecchymosis on the wrists indicates the hands were bound post-mortem.

BRENNAN: Consistent with the feet- no hemorrhagic tissue, they were removed post-mortem... Was that competitive? 

CAM: No, I’m hearing tone, but... could be my imagination. 

[Enter DR. JACK HODGINS:]

HODGINS: Angela is going to be hypnotised.

BRENNAN: Why?

HODGINS: She’s going deep into her subconscious to remember her husband’s name. So we can find him, divorce him, get married ourselves, and live happily for all eternity. 

BRENNAN: You won’t live for eternity.

[Enter Booth, with a case file.]

CAM: I thought you had a name.

BOOTH:  A name for what?

CAM: Angela’s husband.

HODGINS: Berimbau. But our private investigator says it’s a nickname.

BOOTH: Well, you can’t get much off a nickname.

BRENNAN: Berimbau is a little flute. Brazilian. 

[Hodgins and Cam grin, Booth looks annoyed.]

BRENNAN: What?

BOOTH: A little flute?  

HODGINS: Suddenly filled with a sense of... well-being.

[Cam begins to remove and weigh the corpse’s organs.]

BRENNAN: The jury’s out on the efficacy and validity of recovered memories. 

BOOTH: That’s great, speaking of names...(Booth raises his file and scans it) I uh, ran the vic’s prints, I got a hit, Ed Milner from Maryland.

HODGINS:  The shiny substance you found on the victim’s nose and mouth? It’s sunscreen. Per the manufacturer, it protects and maintains the natural colour of coats, manes and tails. 

BOOTH: Coats, manes, and tails. Oh, my.

HODGINS: Formulated for horses.

BRENNAN: Any human applications?

HODGINS: Manufacturer recommends against use on human skin. 

CAM: (Removing particles from the corpse’s stomach) Guys? Contents of the victim’s stomach are corn...raw oats, and dried molasses. 

BOOTH: Horse food?

CAM: F.Y.I? There’s such a thing as too much fibre.

BRENNAN: Alright, I can draw inferences from multiple equine implications...(Brennan maximises x-rays of the corpse on a monitor)

BOOTH: What?

HODGINS: She’s goin’ along with the horsey thing.

BRENNAN: Incised wounds extending into the periosteum of the maxilla between the molars and pre-molars.

CAM: Ahhh. 

HODGINS: What?

BRENNAN: His teeth and jaw show evidence of a bit.

[Hodgins begins laughing. The others look confused]

HODGINS: (Explaining) His name is Ed.

[Cam and Booth begin chuckling as well]

BRENNAN: Why is that funny?

CAM: As in a horse is a horse...

[Booth and Hodgins chime in]

CAM, BOOTH & HODGINS: (in unison)...Of course, of course.

[Brennan continues to look confused]

BOOTH:...The famous Mr. Ed?

BRENNAN: (Still confused) Mr. Ed?

CREDITS

ACT I

[INT. FBI BUILDING – BOOTH:’S OFFICE – DAY. Booth is interviewing ALICE MILNER, Ed the corpse’s wife. Mrs Milner is looking over her husband’s case file, complete with photograph of the corpse]

MRS. MILNER: He was supposed to be on a corporate retreat in Orlando, Florida. He’s in marketing. 

BOOTH: Are you able to identify your husband’s body from that photograph?

MRS. MILNER: (Nodding, tearing up) Yes, that’s it. I don’t understand. Who could have done that? 

BOOTH: We found your husband’s body just outside Harrisonburg, Virginia. 

MRS. MILNER: Virginia? 

BOOTH: Did he, uh, mention any recent...disagreements? Friends, coworkers, family members?

MRS. MILNER: No.  Ed was one of ‘those guys’. When we got married, we owned an apartment building, if a tenant couldn’t afford the rent, Ed would cut him a break. That’s how he was with everyone. 

BOOTH: Do you have a ranch? Uh... own a race horse, a... pony ride... anything like that?

MRS. MILNER: No, why?

BOOTH: Did Ed ever go to the race track? Rodeos? 

MRS. MILNER: I’m not sure Ed even ever saw a real horse up close and in person. Why?

BOOTH: I don’t have anything concrete right now, but when I do, I’ll let you know. 

[Mrs. Milner nods and breaks down crying.]


[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – BRENNAN’S OFFICE – DAY. Brennan is at her desk, looking at sites about horses on her computer. Enter Booth.]

BOOTH: Hey.

BRENNAN: Hay is for horses!

BOOTH: Heeey, that’s funny, Bones! 

BRENNAN: I found it on this website about horses. 

BOOTH: Yeah?

BRENNAN: Where do horses stay in a hotel?

BOOTH: Bridle suite. 

BRENNAN: ...That’s correct. 

BOOTH: Mm-hm. So did you find out anything useful?

BRENNAN: The hooves of champion thoroughbreds are buried separately from the corpses. The hooves represent power, and are given their own resting spot. Our victim’s feet were separated from his body. 

BOOTH: Wait, the victim’s wife said he was at a corporate retreat, and his boss said he took time off to spend with his family. 

BRENNAN: He lied.

BOOTH: Yeah, they could all be lying.

BRENNAN: How did you know the answer to the bridle suite joke? 

BOOTH: I have a five year-old son. 


[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – AUTOPSY ROOM – DAY. Cam is in the process of weighing organs. Enter ANGELA MONTENEGRO]

ANGELA: Hey. Have you seen Brennan?

CAM: You just missed her. Booth tracked down the victim’s last credit card purchase to a country inn in Virginia. Why, do you need her?

ANGELA: Well I’m sort of hoping that she needed me. 

CAM: Well I admire your work ethic, but she didn’t say anything to me. 

ANGELA: What about you? You need anything?

CAM: I am weighing human organs. Not really your thing. 

ANGELA: Right. Okay. 

CAM: Are you passing the time until you’re hypnotised?

ANGELA: (Horrified) Did Hodgins tell everybody?

CAM: Oh, he’s excited. We all are. Delving into the subconscious to find the name of the mystery husband? Veeery romantic.

ANGELA: Well, it won’t be so romantic when I divorce him. 

CAM: Romantic for you and Hodgins when you finally get married... You nervous?

ANGELA: No. No, I’m annoyed. I know about this hypnotism thing. I was a magician’s assistant at a little gypsy carnival in Brazil.

CAM: Now that’s an opening line.

ANGELA: Ugh, Mysterio was really cute, and I was younger then, and... the whole being sawed in half thing was actually kinda hot. 

CAM: We were talking about hypnotism.

ANGELA: Right. Well this guy could rub an alligator’s stomach so I could stick my head inside its mouth? But every time he hypnotised people? It was always a scam.

CAM: Angela? Therapeutic hypnosis is a proven technique. Electro-encephalography shows an increase in activity in the cerebral cortex, which opens the subconscious. 

ANGELA: Really?

CAM: Yeah! It alters the alpha and the theta waves. Read the Stanford University study, it’s not a party trick.

ANGELA: You read that?

CAM: And I’ve been hypnotised myself. 

ANGELA: Wow...Why? 

CAM: Well, I was in Vegas. I got called up on stage, and apparently, I clucked like a chicken in front of three thousand people. But I have absolutely no memory of it. 

ANGELA: Was this little episode in the Stanford study?

CAM: No, it should have been. For the next three days, every time someone said ‘coffee’, I’d cluck. Awkward!

ANGELA:. Okay. Why am I not feeling better about this?

CAM: Trust me. No crazier than you drinking cava and marrying a giant in Fiji. And Hodgins seems to be pretty cool with that, so... if he wants you to try hypnosis, I’d say... get drowsy. 

ANGELA: I guess you’re right. I’ve done crazier stuff than this! 

CAM: Yeah!

ANGELA: What can happen, right?

CAM: There you go. 

[Angela begins to leave the room, Cam goes about her business. At the last minute, Angela turns back]

ANGELA: (Curiously) Coffee?

CAM: Brawk! ... Kidding. It’s been two years. 

[Angela grins and leaves]
CAM: Brawk!

[CUT TO: INT. AMBASSADORA BED & BREAKFAST – DAY. Booth and Brennan are at the front desk of the bed & breakfast, attempting to interview LUCKY the proprietor.]

LUCKY: So, you say you’re with the F.B.I.

[Booth shows Lucky his badge.]

BRENNAN: That is the third time he’s shown you his I.D.

LUCKY: (Looking at a picture of the victim and scoffing) Why would I know this man?

BOOTH: Because we have his credit card history and you’re a part of it?

BRENNAN: Sir, why are you being so difficult?

DUDE: Not difficult. Discreet.

BOOTH: What do you do? Run a service for cheating husbands?

BRENNAN: (To Booth) Call in the S.W.A.T. team, they’re anything but discreet.

LUCKY: (Alarmed) O-okay. Okay. That’s Mr. Ed.

BRENNAN: A horse is a horse, of course, of course?

LUCKY: That’s the general idea, yes... Come with me, please.

[Lucky begins to lead Booth and Brennan behind the desk and into a lounge area.]

LUCKY: The Ambassadora is a place where people come to indulge in pony play fantasy twenty-four hours a day without fear of judgement. Mr. Ed? Is a pony. 

BOOTH: Is this some kind of a sex thing?

BRENNAN: How’d you get there so quickly?

BOOTH: The man said ‘fantasy’, I just made the leap. 
	
LUCKY: Ed took off a couple of days ago. Which was odd, since he’d prepaid. 

BOOTH: Prepaid for what?

LUCKY: Oh! We’re uh, we’re in the middle of what you might call our... convention. So unless this is really important... I’d rather not disturb our guests.

BOOTH: Well. Two miles from here, in the woods, Mr. Ed was found dead.

[CUT TO: Lucky leads Booth and Brennan into a main room in the Ambassadora, where a number of half-naked people are leading around also half-naked, whinnying, leather-clad partners dressed as BDSM versions of horses. The “horses” begin to eat from a trough, while the “riders” sit down at a table for their own meal.]

BOOTH: Wow, what’s goin’ on here?

BRENNAN: It’s a fetish.

BOOTH: Uh, so the idea here is that one of them is the horse and the other one is the rider?

LUCKY: Basically.

BRENNAN: Well, this isn’t about the horses. It’s about a dominant versus submissive balance of power, a variation on sado-masochism.

BOOTH: Those people are eating from troughs... (To Brennan) Do you think that’s sexy?

BRENNAN: Fetishism is a way of indulging in sexual activity, without actually engaging emotionally with the other person as a fully formed human being. 

BOOTH: Okay, sex is all about engaging. You don’t wanna engage, you just stay home, and... you know.

BRENNAN: Well, they have masturbation fetishes. Often involving women’s shoes or undergarments-

BOOTH:  (Cutting Brennan off, embarrassed) Uh, can we just talk to Mr. Ed’s mistress, dominatrix...whatever.

LUCKY: I’m gonna have to talk to a few people, and ask permission to out them. We have three lawyers, a half a dozen doctors- 

[Brennan raises her voice and addresses the horses and riders, ignoring Lucky’s protests.]

BRENNAN: Excuse me? We need to speak to Mr. Ed’s groom. Whoever...rode him last.

BOOTH: That’s a great way to cut to the chase there, Bones, okay. [Booth steps forward and flashes his badge] Alright, F.B.I. And sir, could you turn your behind around so it’s... behind. 

[One rider, ANNE ‘ANNIE OAKLEY:’ MARIE OSTENBACK rises and turns towards Booth and Brennan.]

[CUT TO: EXT. AMBASSADORA BED & BREAKFAST – DAY. Annie Oakley is walking in the mansion’s gardens, being interviewed by Booth and Brennan.]

ANNIE OAKLEY: My name in the world is, uh, Anne Marie Ostenback. Here, I’m Annie Oakley.

BOOTH: Naturally.

ANNIE OAKLEY: So Mr. Ed is dead?

BRENNAN: How well did you actually know him?

BOOTH: Obviously she knew him very well. 

BRENNAN: Sexual fetishes are all about role-playing, she probably never knew his real name.

ANNIE OAKLEY: We met online over a year ago. We were a match, I mean compatible in every way. You have no idea how hard it is to find the perfect pony. 

BOOTH: Don’t look at me.

ANNIE OAKLEY: Mr. Ed was easy to handle, but he wasn’t mindlessly obedient. 

BOOTH: Okay.

ANNIE OAKLEY: And yes. We had sex, if that’s your next question.

BOOTH: When did you first meet in person, so that you could, you know, um... ride him? 

ANNIE OAKLEY: Uh, six months ago. I fell in love with him.

BOOTH: Meaning, what, uh, a little light whipping? 

ANNIE OAKLEY: When I say love, I don’t mean romantically. I mean the way a young girl feels about her first pony. 

BRENNAN: Have you ever heard of anything like one pony fighting another?

ANNIE OAKLEY: No. No, pony play is not like that.

BOOTH: Mr. Ed’s body was found only a few miles from here. 

BRENNAN: Evidence on the body suggested an equine fetish.

BOOTH: So you can understand why we might think that someone from your sex game community killed him.

ANNIE OAKLEY: You should talk to his wife. 

BOOTH & BRENNAN: (In unison) His wife?

ANNIE OAKLEY: Yes, she showed up here and the next morning, Ed was gone.

BOOTH: Oh, well he didn’t just run off and join a band of wild mustangs now, did he?

ANNIE OAKLEY: You know, I’m speaking to you willingly. Without a lawyer present. You could at least pretend to show me some respect.

BOOTH: (Sarcastically) Yeah, I’ll try.

ANNIE OAKLEY: The night Ed took off, I was in the stables with him. I’d worked him hard that day, and was rubbing him down. Which is when she caught us. 

BRENNAN: Did you know he was married?

ANNIE OAKLEY: I didn’t want to marry the man. I just wanted to play with the pony.

BOOTH: How did he react when he saw his wife?

ANNIE OAKLEY: He never broke character.

BOOTH: What?

BRENNAN: He remained a pony. 

ANNIE OAKLEY: I finished rubbing him down, and I went to bed. Alone. The next morning at breakfast he was gone, I assumed he went back to his wife. 

BOOTH: Okay. I’d appreciate it if you kept the fact that Ed Milner was murdered to yourself. 

[Annie Oakley nods.]

[CUT TO: EXT. SUV TRAVELLING ALONG ROAD IN WASHINGTON, DC – DAY. Booth and Brennan are discussing the case. Booth is driving, Brennan is flipping through a pamphlet from the Ambassadora.]

BOOTH: What’s worse? Okay, finding out that uh, your spouse is having an affair, or finding out that he has a secret life as a pony?

BRENNAN: Pony fetishism has been around since the Greeks. 

BOOTH: Had to have been the wife, right? 

BRENNAN: Aristotle extolled the joys of being ridden like a horse.

BOOTH: Aristotle also thought that the purpose of the human heart was to solve math problems. 

BRENNAN: I’m surprised you know that.

BOOTH: Well, turns out I’m smarter than a fifth grader (chuckles).

BRENNAN: And in Victorian England, scantily-clad women put on erotic shows dressed as ponies.

BOOTH: Just saying, wife sees some woman in a harness rubbing her husband down, while he’s nibbling on oats? That’s harsh.

BRENNAN: And in sixteenth century Turkey, the king kept stables of pony-girls and pony-boys for his pleasure.

BOOTH: ‘Kay, king of Turkey was a freak. 

BRENNAN: Why are you being so judgemental?

BOOTH: When you turn someone into an object of sexual pleasure, it’s wrong.

BRENNAN: How do you know?

BOOTH: It says in the Bible.

BRENNAN: It does not! 

BOOTH: Then it got left out by mistake. 

BRENNAN: We are all hard-wired differently, if someone needs to shout ‘Giddyup’ to heighten arousal...what’s wrong with that?

BOOTH: Maybe if Ed lived like a man, he wouldn’t have died like a horse. That’s all.

[CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING – INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY. Booth and Brennan are re-interviewing Mrs. Milner]

BRENNAN: You knew your husband wasn’t in Florida. 

MRS. MILNER: Yes. I lied. 

BOOTH: Why?

MRS. MILNER: I was married to Ed for nine years. We have kids. My first concern was to make sure that they didn’t find out that their father was a pervert. 

BRENNAN: So his fetish was a surprise to you?

MRS. MILNER: Try complete shock! Why would Ed do that? We had a good sex life. 

BRENNAN: More likely, there was a part of your husband that could never have been satisfied by love alone. 

BOOTH: Bones that’s one of those...We... (Exasperated sigh) (To Mrs. Milner) How did you track him down?

MRS. MILNER: What?

BOOTH: Well I mean you didn’t just, you know, wander into his uh, his stable or- or paddock, or whatever.

MRS. MILNER: No, I really did think he was in Orlando on a business trip. I got a call.

BRENNAN: From whom?

MRS. MILNER: A man. He said Ed was with another woman and told me where I could find them. He didn’t mention the pony stuff.

BOOTH: Did you recognise his voice?

MRS. MILNER: No.

BRENNAN: Anything distinctive at all? 

MRS. MILNER: (Sighing) An accent. Um, Australian, maybe? English? 

BOOTH: So... you walked in on Ed and his...um...

BRENNAN: Rider.

BOOTH: ...Rider. 

MRS. MILNER: Is that what they call it? 

BOOTH: What happened next? 

MRS. MILNER: I got the hell out of there, I drove home. 

BRENNAN: Did you hear from him again?

MRS. MILNER: No, I engaged a divorce attorney right away, who said all communications should go through her. 

BOOTH: Did anyone see you come home that night?

MRS. MILNER: Why is that important?

BOOTH: I think you know why it’s important, Mrs. Milner. 

MRS. MILNER: Agent Booth? If I had killed my husband, then I wouldn’t need a divorce lawyer, would I? 

BOOTH: No. But you would need an alibi.

ACT II

[INT. FBI BUILDING – BOOTH:’S OFFICE – DAY. Booth and Brennan are discussing the interview with Mrs. Milner. Brennan is playing with a wooden bat Booth has in his office.]

BOOTH: So you don’t think she did it, hm?

 BRENNAN: No. 

BOOTH: (Indicating the bat) You wanna put that down? Why, because of the whole lawyer alibi thing? 

BRENNAN: No, because of the feet cut off thing. It was ritualistic. The killer knew about horses.

[Booth and Brennan leave Booth’s office, walking into and through the bullpen of the department.]

BOOTH: Or maybe she started cutting him into little bits to scatter across the countryside and it was too much work for her, or maybe it made her sick, or he wouldn’t fit in the trunk.

BRENNAN: Booth. We are immersed in a culture here.

BOOTH: Pony play is a culture.

BRENNAN: Anthropologically speaking. And not just because of the feet: Ed’s hands were tied together, historically ranchers bound the front two legs of horses to prevent them from straying. Not to mention all the other equine attributes associated with this case. Yes! This is a culture, and we need to investigate accordingly. 

[Booth and Brennan arrive at the elevator, both reach to press the button at the same time.]

BRENNAN: Do you still think she did it?

BOOTH: Naw, not now.

BRENNAN: We need to find the mystery caller. 

[The elevator arrives, they enter it]

BRENNAN: If he had a reason to contact Ed’s wife, he had a motive to murder him.

BOOTH: Right. So what, back to the Ambassadora? 

BRENNAN: Giddyup.

BOOTH: Yeah, uh, don’t- don’t say that. 

[The elevator doors close.]

[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – EXAMINATION ROOM – DAY. Hodgins observes while DR. ZACK ADDY coats Ed Milner’s skull with a foamy substance called Microsil.]

ZACK: There were radiating fractures along the edges of the wound, which suggest the tip of the blade was blunt. 

[Hodgins reaches for the tube of Microsil.]

ZACK: I’m trying to determine the type of weapon. 

HODGINS: Fill the negative space with Microsil, thus determine the approximate shape of the blade’s tip.

ZACK: Yes.

HODGINS: You know, this guy got his rocks off pretending to be a horse? (Snickers)

ZACK: Yes.

HODGINS: (Thoughtfully) I’ve never tried that. 

ZACK: I pretended to be a horse a lot as a child. But there was no sexual component. What melon is in season?

HODGINS: Wh- why?

ZACK: Once I’ve ID’d a possible murder weapon we’ll want to compare an exemplar to the entry wound.

HODGINS: ...Cantaloupe.

[Hodgins smacks Zack on the back and walks away.]

[CUT TO: EXT. AMBASSADORA BED & BREAKFAST – DAY. Booth and Brennan exit the mansion and find the “riders” running their “horses” through a series of routines.]

BOOTH: Okaaay, what is this, sicko rodeo?

BRENNAN: Stylised movements, uh, posturing as a kind of sexual signal. 

BOOTH: Who are these people?

BRENNAN: In real life they tend to be very orthodox. You heard what Lucky said, they’re lawyers...judges... FBI guys...

BOOTH: (Laughing nervously) This is not normal, okay, it’s uh...

BRENNAN: It’s what, Booth?

BOOTH:...You’re not interested in, uh...

BRENNAN: Pony play?! No, but I’m the first to admit that in sexual situations, I have indulged in... role-playing.

BOOTH: ‘Kay, you know what, it’s getting a little warm out here, what do you say we go back- 

[Lucky approaches from the group of “horses” and “riders”.]

LUCKY: Hey there! Any uh. Leads?

BRENNAN: We’re wondering if any of the riders or ponies has an accent.

LUCKY: Uh, Thor. 

[Lucky gestures to CALVIN: “THOR” JOHNSON, who is working with Annie Oakley.]

LUCKY: He grew up in England.

BRENNAN: With Annie Oakley?

LUCKY: Yeah, that’s right.

BOOTH: You know, I’m gonna need Thor’s actual normal human name.

LUCKY: CALVIN: Johnson. 

BOOTH: CALVIN: Johnson, that’s great, (To Brennan) Come on. (To Lucky) Thanks.

[Booth and Brennan walk away from Lucky, towards Thor.]

BRENNAN: We all indulge in role-playing in sexual situations. 

BOOTH: Oh, not me. Completely normal here.

BRENNAN: Booth, any time you look at a woman and make the judgement that she’s beautiful, you’re objectifying her. Any time I put on lipstick and nice clothes, I’m objectifying myself. It’s more subtle than what these people are doing, but otherwise it’s the same dynamic.

[They come to Annie Oakley and Thor, who is prancing around in a circle like a horse, complete with leather harness, ears, and bridle.]

BOOTH: ‘Kay, you wearing lipstick, Bones, it’s not like this. Uh, CALVIN: Johnson. 

[CALVIN: completely ignores Booth and continues prancing.]

BOOTH: CALVIN:. Johnson. 

ANNIE OAKLEY: He’s wearing a bit gag. 

[Brennan reaches for the elaborate bit gag]

BRENNAN: Could I help you take that off? 

[CALVIN: starts whinnying loudly, Brennan steps back.]

ANNIE OAKLEY: Not until I say so. 

BOOTH: Well, we either talk to him here, or we all go downtown and he misses a whole day of horsin’ around.

BRENNAN: How do you release him from his pony persona, is there a word? Motion?

[Annie Oakley taps Thor twice on the forehead, he immediately straightens up and ceases to behave like a horse.]

BOOTH: Oh, just tap him on the forehead.

[Annie Oakley gives Booth a dirty look, CALVIN removes his bit gag.]

CALVIN: So, what’s up then?

[CUT TO: EXT. AMBASSADORA BED & BREAKFAST – DAY. Booth and Brennan are now in a more secluded area of the mansion grounds, interviewing CALVIN: as they walk along.]

CALVIN: Hardly even knew Ed. Never even spoke to the guy. 

BOOTH: Oh, well then why’d you call his wife?

CALVIN: I’m fairly certain you can’t prove that was me.

BRENNAN: She recorded the call, we could do voice analysis. 

BOOTH: Yeah, you know what, and if you lie we’ll charge you with obstruction of justice. 

BRENNAN: And public display of sexual paraphernalia. 

CALVIN: Okay then, yes. I called her, so what?

BOOTH: Why’d you call her, CALVIN:?

CALVIN: Swap recipes.

BRENNAN: He did it so he could have Annie Oakley as his groom.

CALVIN: Oh, come on, ratting on a guy to his wife is hardly a federal crime, is it? 

BOOTH: How’d you get his home number?

CALVIN: It was under ‘home’ on his cell phone. Ed Milner’s an idiot.

BRENNAN:  Was an idiot.

BOOTH:  Now he’s a murder victim, so what happened there, Thor? Ed’s wife showed up, but to your chagrin she left without him, so you did what you had to do in order to get your groom back. 

CALVIN: Annie’s one hell of a jockey. But she’s not worth killing for. I did not kill Mr. Ed. I may enjoy being dominated by the ladies from time to time, that doesn’t make me crazy. 

BOOTH: Might wanna take a look in the mirror there, My Friend Flicka.

[CALVIN:, annoyed, turns to leave. Booth grabs onto his reins and pulls him back to face him.]

BOOTH: Whoa. Oh, no.

CALVIN: I went to Stanford Law. Clerked for a federal judge. Might want to rethink your actions there, Agent Booth. 

[Booth stares at CALVIN: a moment, then releases his reins.]

CALVIN: Thank you.

[Exit CALVIN:.]

BOOTH: Yeah, he’s got motive.

BRENNAN: He knows about horses.

BOOTH: What was with all the lying? We’ve got voice tape, and public display of sexual paraphernalia...

BRENNAN: It was role-playing! I was being all ‘lard-ass and good cop.’

BOOTH: Hard-ass and bad cop, Bones. Hard-ass and bad cop.

[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – ANGELA’S OFFICE – DAY. Hodgins enters, carrying a cantaloupe in each hand. Angela has several boxes in front of her, and is shaking a notebook emphatically.]

HODGINS: ...What’s goin’ on?

ANGELA: You first.

HODGINS: Cantaloupes. Zack and I need ‘em for an experiment.

ANGELA: Of course you do. I talked to Dr. Jasper, that hypnotist.

HODGINS: Yeah?

ANGELA: She asked me to bring in photos. But all I could find are these.

[Angela holds up a cubist-style painting and a photograph of several men and boys on a staircase.]

HODGINS: Yeah, I’m not sure those’ll be any help.

ANGELA: Which is why I’m looking for the wedding photo.

HODGINS: You were married on the beach at dawn in the middle of nowhere.

ANGELA: Well, when I got off the phone with Dr. Jasper, I remembered that somebody snapped a Polaroid of me right after I said “I do.” And I stuck it in a book as a bookmark, but I, I can’t find it. You know, I really hate going through the story of marrying a guy. I didn’t even know his name. People are looking at me like I’m nuts. 

HODGINS: You are.

ANGELA: (Sarcastically) Thanks a lot.

HODGINS: Come on, Angie, embrace the irony. It’s what makes you you. You married him, then you’re gonna marry me. None of it makes any sense.

ANGELA: I’m supposed to take advice from a guy who’s walking around with honeydew melons?

HODGINS: Cantaloupes. It’s a common mistake, and hey! You need to relax. You want me there when you go under? I can hold your hand or something...

ANGELA: (Annoyed) I’m not going under. I’m being hypnotised. 

HODGINS: Oh-kaaay...

[Hodgins clears his throat, raises his cantaloupes in the air, and begins to back out of Angela’s office]

HODGINS: This is me, walking away with my melons so you can relax. I love you. Psycho.

[Exit Hodgins, grinning.]

[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – EXAMINATION ROOM – DAY. Zack is removing the now-dry Microsil from the fracture on Ed Milner’s skull. Hodgins enters, still carrying the cantaloupes.]

HODGINS: Ta-da!

ZACK: The weapon was blunt, an inch wide, and curved. 

HODGINS: That’s unusual

ZACK: Not if you’re a horse.

HODGINS: Um, I’m not a horse.

ZACK: But the victim was. At least, he pretended to be one. 

[Zack holds up a knife.]

HODGINS: What is that?

ZACK: A hoof knife. They’re curved to conform with the natural shape of a horse’s foot. Could I have one of those honeydews?

HODGINS: It’s a cantaloupe.

[Hodgins hands a cantaloupe to Zack, trading him for the knife.]

ZACK: My research shows that horses are slaughtered by a single blow to the forehead. 

HODGINS: Alright, now I’m thinking that we should place the melons at exactly five foot eleven, which was the victim’s height. And then we should devise a plan to pull the cantaloupe away, because he most likely saw the knife coming-

[Zack, ignoring Hodgins, stabs the knife into the cantaloupe.]

HODGINS: ...Okay. Fine. 

[He stabs the knife into the other cantaloupe.]

HODGINS: You know, we used to think things through together. 

ZACK: I... I apologise.  It’s possible that my time in Iraq transformed me into a man of action. I’ll watch out for that. 

[Hodgins compares the marks on the cantaloupes to the fracture in the victim’s skull.]

HODGINS: Looks like we found the right weapon. 

ZACK: Mr. Ed wasn’t just playing like a horse, and having sex like a horse...

HODGINS: He was slaughtered like one, too.

ACT III

[INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – MAIN PLATFORM – DAY. Hodgins is explaining his theory of the murder to Cam.]

HODGINS: Alright now, the victim’s hands were tied together like this-

[Hodgins demonstrates by tying twine around Cam’s outstretched wrists]

HODGINS: -With baler’s twine.

CAM: Bales of hay baler’s twine?

HODGINS: Yep. It’s embedded with a UV protected filament that prolongs the life of the twine in sunlight. The technology is patented, and they sell directly to the consumer. They had only two hundred and twenty eight sales last year. 

CAM: Booth can get a warrant to identify all the pony players and cross reference. 

HODGINS: I’m on it.

[Hodgins turns and quickly walks away, leaving Cam standing with her wrists still bound.]

CAM: Hodgins? Hodgins!

[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – ANGELA:’S OFFICE – DAY. Angela has her eyes closed, and appears to be meditating. She hears a sound, but keeps her eyes closed.]

ANGELA: Is somebody there? Hodgins?

[Brennan has entered her office, and responds.]

BRENNAN: Why don’t you just open your eyes? 

ANGELA: Ah. Sweetie. It’ll break the spell.

BRENNAN: What spell? Are you still hypnotised?

[Angela finally opens her eyes, and gives a disappointed sigh.]

ANGELA: No. It never took. 

BRENNAN: Why?

[Angela stands up and sits in a chair across from Brennan]

ANGELA: Cause that doctor said that I wasn’t relaxed enough. I mean, can you believe that? I mean, how would she know if I’m relaxed or not?

BRENNAN: ...You’re twisting your bracelet, your voice is half an octave higher than usual, and you smell like nervous sweats.

ANGELA: Oh, don’t say that... Really? I’m going back there at six. She says that if my pulse rate is still above sixty, that she’s gonna push me off ‘til next week. 

BRENNAN: Rapid pulse rate, high blood pressure, they’re indicators of emotional distress. 

ANGELA: What, you think I don’t want to be hypnotised?

BRENNAN: ...I simply made a factual observation.

ANGELA: Ah. You think I’m afraid of disturbing old memories. You think that somehow I- I like this idea of Berimbau as some sort of untouchable fantasy figure. Hmm? That somehow finding his real name will just bring him down to Earth and make this whole... meshugaas banal and uninteresting.

BRENNAN: (confused) I don’t...know...what ‘meshugaas’ means. I’m not sure I know what any of that meant... Why do I feel like I need to apologise for something?

ANGELA: I’ll be ready next time. Okay? You’ll see. Could you excuse me? Sweetie? 

[Brennan gets up to leave]

ANGELA: Hey! Shut that door behind you.

[Brennan, confused and irritated, leaves. Angela checks her watch and continues to look unsettled.]

[CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING – INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY. Booth is in the midst of interrogating Lucky. He is showing Lucky the baling twine.]

BOOTH: You recognise that?

LUCKY: Yeah. That’d be twine.

BOOTH: Yeah. Fairly specialised stuff, huh? Doesn’t deteriorate in the sun... only the best for your pony clients. 

LUCKY: Get it off one of my hay bales?

BOOTH: Got it off the corpse of Ed Milner.

LUCKY: Do I need a lawyer?

BOOTH: That’s your call.

LUCKY: I didn’t kill Ed.

BOOTH: We traced the owner of that twine to the Ambassadora Ranch. 

LUCKY: Any of my guests could have taken this twine off my hay bales.

BOOTH: Your company used to be co-owned by your ex-wife ‘til recently? 

LUCKY: I paid her off in the divorce.

BOOTH: Yeah, your ex-wife being Anne Marie Ostenback? Rider named Annie Oakley? Ed Milner’s sex partner, you can see how things are starting to line up against you here, Lucky. 

LUCKY: We aren’t married anymore. 

BOOTH: You’re gonna tell me that it doesn’t bother you to see your ex-wife playing sex games with other men?

[Lucky is silent. Booth picks up a page of paper and shows it to Lucky.]

LUCKY: What’s that?

BOOTH: It’s a warrant. 

LUCKY: I already told you, I’ve got that twine all over the ranch.

BOOTH: We’ll be looking for a hoof knife. 

LUCKY: I’ve got a hoof knife.

BOOTH: Great!

LUCKY: But it was stolen. Four days ago, from my truck.

BOOTH: Did you report the theft?

LUCKY: Come on, like the cops are gonna care about a ten dollar knife? Think I know who did it, though.

BOOTH: I’m listening.

LUCKY: I have a rider client. Named Tom Mularz. Couple days ago he starts passing out fliers advocating the consumption of horse meat. But, what do you expect? He’s a butcher.

BOOTH: Why’d he break in your truck?

LUCKY: Well, I took the fliers from him, I tossed them in the truck, and I kicked him out of the convention.

BOOTH: So he took back the fliers and the hoof knife. 

LUCKY: I dunno. All I know is I came out the next morning, the fliers were gone, so was the knife. (startled) That is the same morning that Ed Milner was missing!

BOOTH: (Sarcastic) Wow... you just figured that out. 

[Booth shakes his head patronisingly.]

[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – EXAMINATION ROOM – DAY. Zack is examining Ed Milner’s foot bones when Hodgins enters.]

HODGINS: Aww, I found something very interesting!

ZACK: The victim’s feet were severed from the body with remarkable skill. 

HODGINS: Excellent insight, Zack. But the polite response is, ‘Really, Hodgins! What did you find?’

ZACK: There’s a sharp-force disarticulation from the distal tibia and fibula, passing cleanly above the talus. 

HODGINS: No I wasn’t asking you, I was telling you you should ask me. 

ZACK: Really Hodgins, what did you find? 

HODGINS: The feet? Were severed with the hoof knife.

ZACK: I know.

HODGINS: Because I told you.

ZACK: No, because I examined the cuts under the confocal laser scanning microscope. How did you find out?

HODGINS: (Irritated) Traces of steel left on the skull matched traces of steel left on the feet.

ZACK: Same weapon.

HODGINS: (Highly agitated) Same weapon. You suck all the fun out of every moment of personal triumph!

[Zack looks confused. Hodgins scoffs with disgust and storms out.]

[CUT TO: INT. BUTCHER SHOP – DAY. Booth and Brennan enter the small butcher shop to find it unattended.]

BRENNAN: (Sniffing) I hate the smell of a butcher shop.

BOOTH: Oh what, maggots and rotting faces and burst guts don’t bother you, but the smell of a butcher shop does?

BRENNAN: It’s a very small step between selling dead meat and making meat dead. I’m considering becoming a vegetarian.

[Booth reaches for the service bell on the meat counter, Brennan rings it before he can.]

BOOTH: Not me.

BRENNAN: Yeah, that’s why I said ‘I’, not ‘we’. Zack said that the killer was adept at cutting through bone. 

BOOTH: Like a butcher.

[Once again Booth reaches for the bell but Brennan gets there first. Brennan notices a case of pamphlets on the counter and picks one up.]

BRENNAN: (Reading) ‘Horse meat. Sweet, rich, lean, and soft.’ 

[TOM MULARZ approaches from a back room, wearing a blood-splattered apron.]

TOM: Can I help you?

BOOTH: Yeah, we’re looking to score some horse meat.

TOM: Unfortunately right now there’s only two slaughterhouses in the U.S. and they don’t export to Virginia. 

BOOTH: Oh, that’s a shame. You Tom Mularz?

TOM: ...Why?

[Booth pulls out his badge to show to Tom.]

BOOTH: I’m Special Agent Seeley Booth, this-

[Tom suddenly turns around and bolts for the back door. Booth and Brennan begin to follow him.]

BOOTH: (To Brennan) Go around, cut him off.

[Booth chases Tom out the back door, Brennan runs around the building and cuts him off, effectively trapping him in the back alley.]

BRENNAN: Stop! Or I’ll...kick you in the testicles!

[Tom tries to evade Brennan, Booth grabs him and slams him against the wall, he falls down in a heap.]

BRENNAN: Woah! You are strong!

BOOTH: Well, you know, I try to stay in shape. (Incredulous) ‘Stop, or I’ll kick you in the testicles’? 

BRENNAN: (Shrugs) Worked. 

BOOTH: Tell you what, you and me? We’re gonna work on the cop talk.

[Booth leans down to handcuff Tom.]

ACT IV

[INT. FBI BUILDING – INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY. Booth and Brennan are in the process of interrogating Tom, who now has a large bruise on his forehead.]

TOM: What’d you hit me with?

BRENNAN: A building. 

BOOTH: You know what, I’ve been thinking about the psychology of all this-

[Brennan sighs and stands up, annoyed.]

BOOTH: (To Brennan) Alright, you know, I know that you hate that, but just go with me here. Okay? Tom is a 

BRENNAN: I could see that. Symbolically. 

TOM: (Confused) Who’s Ed Milner?

BOOTH: Mr. Ed ring a bell? 

TOM: He’s dead? 

BOOTH: Yeah.

TOM: Oh, man. He was a good pony.

BOOTH: Okay!

BRENNAN: Did you ride Mr. Ed? 

TOM: (Stuttering) No! N- no, I’m a rider... But I- I prefer female horses! I just- I just admired his- his style... Why’d you throw me into a wall?

BOOTH: Why’d you run? 

TOM: Well, you’re F.B.I.

BOOTH: Well, I need a little bit more than that. 

TOM: (Resigned) I’m a deserter. They send the F.B.I. after deserters. 

BOOTH: Deserter from what?

TOM: The National Guard. I signed up to save people from floods and earthquakes and stuff, but... not to kill.

BRENNAN: We found your fingerprints on Lucky’s truck.

TOM: Well, I broke into it to get my fliers back. They’re mine!

BRENNAN: Your horse meat fliers. 

TOM: Why can’t they see? That if we revere horses sexually, then eating their flesh is an act of holy communion! 

[Booth and Brennan both make horrified faces.]

BOOTH: You know what, there’s crazy pony players? And there’s really whacked out crazy pony players. 

BRENNAN: Yeah.

BOOTH: What’d you do after you got your fliers back?

TOM: I drove straight to my folks’ in Jersey.

BRENNAN: When did you get there?

TOM: Before midnight. They can vouch for me! And uh, plus I got credit card receipts from gas.

BOOTH: You deserted the National Guard. 

TOM: I’m not a killer. 

BRENNAN: You’re a butcher!

TOM: Well, not a people butcher! I’m innocent!

[Booth and Brennan share a look.]

[CUT TO: INT. – DR. JASPER:’S OFFICE – DAY. Angela is sitting on the couch in the office of her hypnotherapist, DR. JASPER:, who is in the process of taking Angela’s pulse.]

ANGELA: How am I doing? Because the pressure of having to have a low pulse could be driving my pulse up, and I in no way want to be penalised for that. 

DR. JASPER: Fifty-eight beats per minute. Very nice, Angela. 

ANGELA: I did some deep breathing. You’re not gonna make me cluck like a chicken, are you? (From Dr. Jasper’s confused look) Sorry. 

[Angela lies back on the couch.]

ANGELA: Bombs away!

DR. JASPER: Let’s begin. Angela? Close your eyes.

[Angela closes her eyes.]

DR. JASPER: Take a deep, cleansing breath in... And... out. Very good. Take in another breath... (Dr. Jasper breathes in deeply) And, out. 

[Dr. Jasper’s voice begins to sound echoed and distanced as Angela begins to slip into a hypnotic trance.]

DR. JASPER: Focus on your arms. They’re very heavy. Imagine them sinking into your chair.

[Angela continues to drift off.]

[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – MAIN PLATFORM – DAY. Brennan is examining some x-rays on a computer screen when Cam approaches.]

CAM: Got your page, what’s up?

BRENNAN: When you washed the maggots from the eye sockets, were there any remaining ocular tissue at all? 

CAM: No. Little buggers ate the eyes clean through to the bone. 

BRENNAN: I have an alternate explanation. 

CAM: For the eyes missing? 

[Brennan nods and gestures to the skull x-ray she has been examining.]

BRENNAN: Check out the tiny nicks around the supraorbital process, the lachrymal bone... Sphenoid... 

CAM: You think the killer gouged out the eyeballs? 

BRENNAN: I think ‘gouged’ is a good description- using some kind of curved instrument.

CAM: Probably the hoof knife. The murderer cutting off the feet, gouging out the eyes, this... was a bloody violent killing. 

BRENNAN: Killers are often driven by fury.

CAM: No, Dr. Brennan, the feet weren’t lopped off, they were removed carefully, the eyes were gouged out- this was done by someone who was not squeamish about flesh. 

BRENNAN: The butcher’s alibi checked out. 

CAM: Booth said some of those pony people were lawyers, judges... and doctors. 

BRENNAN: You think a doctor did this? 

CAM: Someone who’s good with a knife and not afraid of blood? Sounds like a doctor to me. 

BRENNAN: Annie Oakley is a doctor, and she was the victim’s groom. But, she wasn’t the only doctor at the convention. 

CAM: I found evidence of sperm in Ed Milner’s urogenital tract. 

BRENNAN: Why is that relevant?

CAM: Annie Oakley claims that she rubbed down her pony and then went to sleep.

BRENNAN: You think she had one last romp with the decedent? 

CAM: Well, if she lied about that... What else is she lying about?

[CUT TO: INT. – DR. JASPER:’S OFFICE – DAY. Angela is still in the progress of being hypnotised. The echo effect on Dr. Jasper’s voice is still present.] 

DR. JASPER: Very good. We’re ready now. To begin the journey. If you can hear me, Angela, nod your head. [Angela nods her head.] Very good. You’re on the island of Vatulolo in Fiji, in the village of Nakavala.

[Fade to Angela’s hypnotic vision, in which she is standing on the Rialto Bridge in Italy, and appears as if in an impressionistic painting.]

ANGELA: (V/O) I’m pretty sure I’m on the Rialto Bridge in Venice.

DR. JASPER: (V/O) No. You’re on the beach. In Fiji. 

[The image changes to a Fijian beach at sunset. It remains in the style of an impressionist painting, and now has a ripple effect.]

DR. JASPER: (V/O, CONT’D) In front of you is a red door. 

[The image cuts back to Angela on the couch.]

ANGELA: No. There’s not.

DR. JASPER: (Frustrated) I need for you not to fight me, Angela. 

[The image cuts back to Angela’s beach vision. A red door now appears.]

DR. JASPER: (V/O, CONT’D) Do you see the door? 

ANGELA: (V/O) I see the door. 

DR. JASPER: (V/O) When you pull the door open, your husband will be standing in front of you.

[The vision version of Angela approaches the red door.]

DR. JASPER: (V/O, CONT’D) When you see him, you will greet him by his proper name. 

ANGELA: (V/O) I’m going to pull it open.

DR. JASPER: (V/O) Pull the knob.

[Vision Angela pulls the door open. A large wasp flies at her, and she screams. The image turns back to Angela sitting on the couch, still screaming.]

DR. JASPER: Angela, I’m going to count to three. And when I reach three you’re going to open up your eyes, you’re going to feel relaxed, and refreshed. You’re going to remember everything but you’re not going to be scared. One... Two... Three. 

[Angela opens her eyes and looks uncomfortable.]

ANGELA: Did it work?

DR. JASPER: Angela. You need to tell me your husband’s name. 

ANGELA: (Sighing) I opened the door... and I saw a wasp. 

DR. JASPER: A White Anglo-Saxon Protestant?

ANGELA: No, a-a-a- big, flying, stinging insect. 

DR. JASPER: Buzzing around your husband’s head?

ANGELA: No, it- no, it was the size of a human being! And it was a very large human being. 

DR. JASPER: I see. What does that mean to you? 

ANGELA: Nothing.

DR. JASPER: It must. 

ANGELA: I’m sorry. I have no idea.

DR. JASPER: Well you’re not what I would call a... compliant personality.

ANGELA: This is my fault?

DR. JASPER: Well, perhaps another session will... explore this wasp.

[Angela, looking non-plussed, grabs her purse.]

ANGELA: Yeah. And next time I’ll open the door to- to what? A giant snake? I don’t think so, Doc.

[Angela gets up and leaves.]

[CUT TO: INT. – AMBASSADORA RANCH – STABLE – DAY. Brennan and Booth are executing a search warrant and interviewing Annie Oakley. Lucky follows close behind.]

BRENNAN: You’re an eye surgeon, Dr. Ostenback. Ed Milner’s eyes were cut out of his head. 

LUCKY: Woah, don’t you have to wait ‘til I call my lawyer? 

BRENNAN: Uh, we have the right to execute the warrant. You have the right to call your lawyer. 

ANNIE OAKLEY: Lucky, Sparkles is a litigation lawyer. 

BOOTH: Oh, a lawyer named ‘Sparkles,’ now I’m- I’m shivering

[Lucky leaves to call Sparkles the litigation lawyer.]

ANNIE OAKLEY: Look. You’re making a mistake. I did not kill Ed Milner. 

BRENNAN: (To Booth) She actually killed her pony, Mr. Ed. 

ANNIE OAKLEY: Look, I loved Mr. Ed. 

BRENNAN: But he didn’t love you back. I mean, not enough to leave his wife. 

BOOTH: What happened, Annie, did he talk to you before you slapped him in the forehead and returned him into a human being? 

ANNIE OAKLEY:  You don’t know anything. 

BRENNAN: I’m pretty sure that he told you he was going back to his wife. And you convinced him to engage in one last session of pony play. 

BOOTH: You took Lucky’s truck out to the pasture, you had sex with him and you- [Booth yanks quickly on a hanging rein, making a slapping sound.] Finished him off.

[Brennan locates the hoof knife hanging on the stable wall and picks it up.]

BRENNAN: Hiding in plain sight! Thanks for making this part easy. 

ANNIE OAKLEY: Th- that’s a hoof knife. So what? 

BRENNAN: Your DNA will be on the handle, and Ed Milner’s blood on the blade. 

BOOTH: Mr. Ed’s blood.

BRENNAN: Your pony misbehaved, so you stabbed him. In the forehead.

BOOTH: You cut off his feet, you bound his wrists, but his human eyes were staring back at you, so you gouged them out. 

ANNIE OAKLEY: I left my husband for him. I left Thor for him... and he was gonna leave me? What was I supposed to do? 

[Booth and Brennan glance at each other.]

[CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB – MAIN PLATFORM – EVENING. Angela walks towards Hodgins, who is sitting at his computer.]

ANGELA: Hey.

HODGINS: So, I uh, I looked up ‘wasp’ in dream theory.

ANGELA: I love dream theory. 

HODGINS: I know you do. And guess what I found? A wasp signifies anger and envy. (Sarcastically) These are good. Any chance it was a bee? 

ANGELA: No, Jack. 

[Angela hands Hodgins the book “The Furies” by Keith Roberts, which features a large wasp on the cover.]

HODGINS: A book about nuclear radiation creating a giant wasp.

ANGELA: I was reading it in Fiji. I mean, between all the snorkelling and the... 

HODGINS: Sight-seeing.

ANGELA: Let’s go with that. 

HODGINS: What’s it mean?

ANGELA: Look inside.

[Hodgins opens the book to find a Polaroid photo of Angela on the beach at sunset, embracing a large black man.]

HODGINS: That’s Birembau!

ANGELA: Mm-hmm. 

HODGINS: Well his face is turned, so there’s still not much to go on- God, the guy is a giant. 

ANGELA: Flip the picture. 

[Hodgins does so to find an inscription, which he reads aloud.]

HODGINS: “Angie and Grayson.” His name was Grayson!

ANGELA: (Nodding) Grayson Barasa. Once I say his first name, the rest of it just flows out. Grayson Barasa. 

HODGINS: You did it, Angie! You really do want to find him.

ANGELA: (Nodding) I really, really do. 

HODGINS: To divorce him.

ANGELA: I want a divorce. And then I want a wedding.

[Music starts playing as Angela and Hodgins begin to kiss passionately. Over Angela’s shoulder, Hodgins holds up the picture of her and Barasa to look at.]

[FADE TO: INT. – ROYAL DINER – NIGHT. Booth and Brennan are seated at their usual booth, eating dinner.]

BOOTH: How’s that salad?

BRENNAN: There are many health benefits to being vegetarian. It’s a rational choice in a world where food supplies... are affected by global warming issues. 

BOOTH: What about global taste issues?

BRENNAN: Is that meat sweet, rich, super-lean, and soft?

[Booth throws his burger down.]

BOOTH: What, does it taste like horse meat?

BRENNAN: Maybe you should consider going vegetarian, too.

BOOTH: I didn’t lose my appetite because you mentioned horse meat, I lost my appetite because you made me think about all those people parading around, pretending to be something they aren’t, just so they could have crappy sex.

BRENNAN: How do you know it’s crappy?

BOOTH: Gotta be, Bones, come on! It’s gotta be!

BRENNAN: Why?!

[Booth leans forward towards Brennan.]

BOOTH: Why? I’ll tell you why. Here we are. All of us are basically alone, separate creatures just circling each other. All searching for that slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places,

[Cut to a shot of Zack, in the lab, examining a bone.]

BOOTH: (V/O, CONT’D) Some, they just give up hope because in their mind they’re thinking ‘Oh, there’s nobody out there for me.’ 

[Cut to a shot of Cam, applying lipstick in the mirror.]

BOOTH: (V/O, CONT’D) But all of us, we keep trying over, and over again. Why? Because every once in a while,

[Cut to a shot of the picture of Angela and her husband lying next to the copy of “The Furies”]

BOOTH: (V/O, CONT’D) Every once in a while, two people meet. And there’s that spark.  

[Cut to a shot of Hodgins and Angela making out in the lab.]

BOOTH: (V/O, CONT’D) And yes Bones, he’s handsome. And she’s beautiful. And maybe that’s all they see at first...

[Cut back to Booth and Brennan in the diner.]

BOOTH: (CONT’D) But making love? Making. Love. That’s when two people become one. 

BRENNAN: It is... scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space.

BOOTH: Yeah, but what’s important is we try. And when we do it right, we get close. 

BRENNAN: To what? Breaking the laws of physics?

BOOTH: Yeah, Bones. A miracle. Those people- role-playing and their fetishes and their little sex games- It’s crappy sex. Well, at least compared to the real thing. 

BRENNAN: (Considering) You’re right. 

BOOTH: (Defensive) Yeah, but- Wait a second, I just won that argument? 

BRENNAN: Yup.

[Booth and Brennan grin at each other as the scene fades to black.]

THE END

 

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